Perspective . . . parked by a dumpster, on a rainy day, at a tiny rural gas station

Well, 41 isn’t a big deal compared to 40, but I can’t say that I look forward to birthdays anymore.  I have to pretend to be excited about it because the kids are excited and I don’t want to be “Debbie Downer,” reminding everyone that I’m marching toward death at a rapid pace or that, at my age, it’s going to take ten times longer to work off the calories in that one piece of cake.  I won’t tell them that my back was stiff when I woke up this morning, and it took over an hour for the pillow impression on my face to finally go away.  Yes, getting older is glamorous indeed.

I’ve learned in the years leading up to my current elderly status, that the best medicine for those negative thoughts is gratitude.  It only takes a moment of perspective and then I’m able to smile again, and thank God for the things that I could easily resent.

• Yes, each year is another year gone, but it’s another year lived.  I have friends who died very young; I have friends who almost lost their lives this past year.  I am getting older, but I’m so very grateful to be alive, and even more grateful to be healthy.
• It’s going to take a lot longer to work off that birthday cake, but at least I can still eat cake (I know so many people on restricted diets), and I have the physical ability to work off those calories.
• My back was stiff when I woke up this morning, but at least it loosens up after I’m up and about.  I have friends with chronic back pain who would probably love to smack me for complaining about something so small.
• My face had a (long-lasting) impression this morning, but that’s a sign that I slept well, that I had a comfy bed and a roof over my head.  I know many people who struggle with insomnia, and I’ve been to places in the world where people have never known what it is like to sleep on a mattress and pillow, in a warm and safe home.

I am beyond blessed.

Sometimes it just takes a little perspective.

Exactly a year ago, God granted me perspective in an unusual way . . .

Interestingly, it is raining today, and on this day last year, it was also raining.  I was driving from Raleigh (where I had dropped Keith off at the airport) back to Pilot Mountain.  Of course, I stopped at Krispy Kreme (where the hot light was ON – yes!), and then I pulled over at the scenic overlook to do some journaling.  In spite of the rain, I had a beautiful view of Pilot Mountain, and I was so happy to have some quiet time.

As luck would have it, shortly after I settled in, nature called (another joy of getting older – the shrinking bladder – ugh), and I had to leave my perfect little spot to find a gas station at the next exit.  I was feeling quite irritated about the whole thing and grumbling to myself.  But then the unexpected . . . I got back in the van, looked straight ahead, and realized I had an even better, more beautiful view.

Laugh if you want at my dramatics, but this was a moment that brought me to tears.   It was one of God’s teachable moments . . . parked by a dumpster, on a rainy day at a tiny rural gas station.

I was irritated at having to leave my perfect place, but then God gave me something even more beautiful, in an unexpected place.  I can’t even begin to tell you how many times this has played out in my life – whether it be through divorce, infertility, job changes, moving across the country, parenting struggles, etc. – God always pulls me kicking and screaming from my “perfect place” and takes me to an unexpected place, where He gives me something much better than I could have dreamed or planned.

What amazing love (and mercy, and patience!).

So, on this day that I’m reminded of getting older, and I approach aging with trepidation and reluctance, God continues to pull me away from my perfect place, my expectations and ideals, and He keeps surprising me with beauty and joy in the most unexpected places.

God has a way of giving us perspective.  And it just takes a little perspective to give us the gift of a grateful heart.  And a grateful heart is the gateway to joy.

“The Lord is my strength and shield.  I trust him with all my heart.  He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy.  I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.”  Psalm 28:7

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