Truth vs. Certainty

Is “certainty” (being “right,” without doubt) the enemy of love?  I feel like I have been wrestling with this question a lot lately.

Seems like whether it is politics, religion, education, etc., everyone has a strong opinion and is certain that they are “right.”  It would be beautiful to see people trying to compromise for the greater good, but compromise is seen as weakness, as if we are “giving up” on what we believe.

It is particularly disturbing to me when this happens among Christians because we are supposed to treat others the way we want to be treated, and yet we sometimes approach people as if they are topics.  We size them up, make judgments and put them in what we see as the proper compartment without ever trying to understand complex circumstances.

There are some foundational truths, the “black and white” truths about God that we can cling to, but so much of life is grey.  I was a much happier Christian when my faith was largely “black and white” – I thought I had all the answers and it was a very secure place to be.  But life has a way of throwing you curveballs, and the more I learned, the less I realized I knew.  God became much bigger and more mysterious, the world around me became complicated, relationships were not simple, and there were no easy answers.

Living in the “grey zone” of life is scary.  I can see why people like living with certainty – it makes you feel like you have a measure of control.  Life in the grey zone requires dependence on God.  You have to admit you don’t have all the answers and seek His wisdom and discernment to deal with day-to-day life.  Life in the grey zone requires stepping out in faith . . . letting go of certainty (control/ego) while reaching for truth.

Many people equate certainty with truth, but I’m not sure they always go hand in hand.  Gregory Boyd says,  “A genuine concern for truth is simply incompatible with a concern to feel certain that one already believes the truth.  If a person is really concerned with truth, they will try to examine their beliefs critically and go out of their way to confront evidence that has the potential to make them doubt their beliefs.” (from Benefit of the Doubt:  Breaking the Idol of Certainty)

I believe . . . (and this is just my opinion)

• Truth comes from a place of confidence, rooted in God, unafraid of change, of confrontation, of wrestling with doubt (in fact, I think real truth-seeking requires that we wrestle with doubt).
• Certainty comes from our desire to be “right,” to be in control, and it is rooted in pride and our own ego.  Certainty gets angry when confronted, it fears change, it finds a “safe” and comfortable place and digs in to avoid the messy mud-fest of wrestling with faith and doubt that leads to truth.
• Truth sees the big picture, acts in love, and compromises for the greater good with confidence that truth will ultimately prevail.
• Certainty sees the here and now, acts defensively to protect itself, and is unwilling to compromise for the greater good for fear of losing control . . . that everything will come down like a house of cards.
• Truth will set your free (John 8:32)
• Certainty can mislead you (Proverbs 14: 8 and 12)

So, back to the original question:  Is certainty the enemy of love?  Not always, but in many cases I would say, “yes.”  Just think about all the instances in every day life when we try to “win” instead of thinking about what is most important and acting in love.  This can happen on the smallest level – wanting your spouse to admit they are wrong; arguing with a four-year-old and making them upset over something that doesn’t matter (like the correct lyrics to a song :-), etc.

I can think of many issues that evoke a strong reaction where I have seen people (sadly, myself included) choose to be certain instead of loving:  divorce, women in ministry, homosexuality, creationism vs. evolution, inerrancy of the Bible, etc.   Even the translation of the Bible you read can create an immediate wall with people that can shut down any communication.

A recent example of valuing certainty over love was the drama that unfolded in the news of World Vision trying to change a hiring policy to include same sex monogamous marriages.  Within 24 hours of the announcement, over 10,000 children lost their sponsors as people dug their heels in to make it known that they would rather shirk their commitment to a desperate child in need than to dirty their good name by supporting an organization that hires gay people (World Vision caved in to the pressure and reversed their decision).  Jesus dirtied His good name by hanging out with “sinners” – drunkards, gluttons, prostitutes and tax collectors – but somehow we think we are better than Christ himself.  Somehow we have modified “love your neighbor as yourself” by adding “unless you don’t agree with their lifestyle.”

There is nothing wrong with leading people to discover truth, but certainty (the desire to be “right”) does not usually come from a place of love.

Think about all the times that Jesus said, “I tell you the truth . . .” but He didn’t do it defensively.  In fact, when He was trying to teach people the truth, He would often ask questions and tell stories.  If He dished out the truth with any “harshness,” it was usually directed toward the Pharisees – ironically, the people who were certain they already knew the truth and were always on the defensive, trying to separate/elevate themselves.

No matter what your theology, we can agree that “God is love” (1 John 4:8), and Jesus showed us what God’s love looks like in the flesh . . . our living example of love.   When we, with good intentions, try to convey God’s truth with judgment or defensiveness, we end up misrepresenting God because we are no longer acting in love.  Because just as God is love, God is also truth:  John 14:6 “Jesus told him, I am the way, the truth and the life.”  If God is love and God is truth, then I believe we cannot genuinely have one without the other.

I think some people have good intentions when they “dig in” and entrench themselves.  They think they are defending the truth, but if it is not from a place of love, then the truth gets lost.

I’m not saying that there is not a time or place for anger or heated debate, but again, we have to always be mindful of our motivation because our ego is the devil’s most powerful tool.  There are times when anger can be the most loving response – the kind of righteous anger that we saw when Jesus turned over the tables in the temple.  But we tend toward self-righteous anger without even knowing it.  We think we are defending God, but we are really protecting ourselves.

These are the verses I cling to when I am tempted to get angry and “win”:  “A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people.  Gently instruct those who oppose the truth.  Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.”  2 Timonthy 2:24-26

It is nice to be reminded that it is God that changes the hearts of people and that He calls me to truth and love, which does not require me to “win” or be “right” or “certain.”

“Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.  Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God.”  1 John 3:18-19

Loving, the way that Christ loves us, is to live the truth and the “truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)  If we are going to be certain about anything, let it be God’s love.

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