I’m just like most people – I don’t really like thinking about my mortality. I get consumed by daily life and sometimes years fly by before I stop and realize how quickly time is passing. It usually takes something significant to get my attention, but lately I’ve actually been trying to think about death as a way to keep my focus on life. You know, REAL life . . . not the busy, distracted, meaningless treadmill that makes up most of life. Real life that only comes when you realize that one day you will die and you better live and love while you have the chance.
So I have been using this simple phrase to bring perspective to the most mundane things: If I die tomorrow . . .
I ask myself all sorts of questions beginning with that phrase: If I die tomorrow, do my kids and my husband really know how I much I love them? If I die tomorrow, would the people and places where I spend my time, energy and money really matter? If I die tomorrow, would anyone know who I really am and what matters most to me by the way I lived my life?
Sometimes taking a moment to step back and look at your life and ask a few simple questions can prompt big changes. And sometimes it might mean facing small things that feel big. For me, one of those small things is a big problem called CLUTTER.
I’ve always had some “saving” and “piling” issues, but since the twins came along, the clutter has taken on a life of it’s own. I decided that it’s time to take back the house and started tackling it one room, drawer, closet and bookshelf at a time.
You know how, when you sell a house, or get new carpet, or paint the walls, suddenly you look at the space with new eyes and see things you never noticed before? Well, I knew this clutter issue was going to be more daunting than I expected when I started with a small space, the medicine cabinet, and realized I had eight boxes of Band-Aids (and I’m pretty sure the princess and Hello Kitty Band-Aids were on another shelf, and there is an extra box of Batman Band-Aids in the van).
Wow. Who needs that many boxes of Band-Aids? I mean, they are all different (waterproof, various shapes and colors, kid characters, etc), but I suddenly felt very apprehensive. If I have this many Band-Aids, then what else am I going to find? Ugh. And the boxes are not even neatly closed . . . is this sloppy mess on a small shelf what I’m going to find throughout the entire house?
I started to read all sorts of scary articles about becoming minimalist to inspire me (but mostly they just made me sweat), and I tried to combine my clutter battle with other similar battles about being mindful of what I eat and spend, etc. I read a great book called Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? by Peter Walsh, and I was amazed at the parallels between extra pounds and extra “stuff.”
But the greatest de-cluttering motivator has been the thought of death. I ask myself, “If I die tomorrow, would anyone know where to find this/what it is for/need it or want it?” “If I die tomorrow, is this how I want my family to remember me?” In it’s current state, my family would probably be cursing me for leaving them with such a mess. And it reminds me that if something is important enough to keep, then I need to make sure to share the story behind it, so my family will know why it’s important.
Let me just add a side note to say that this imminent death strategy doesn’t work with everything. For example, when it comes to my love of food, I have to ask myself “What if I LIVE another 40 years?” Because if I ask myself, “What if I die,” then every day becomes a free-for-all. If I thought I might die tomorrow, you bet your ass I want that chocolate, that extra glass of wine, Krispy Kreme donuts, and any other naughty calories I can get my hands on.
I’m still in the middle of this process and I’m not sure if keeping the house in order will ever be easy for me, but now that the kids are old enough to help out, we are all learning together. But there are a few things I’m certain of:
- Death is inevitable
- Clutter is a choice
- I will never be a minimalist
- I want our home to be a safe haven: comfortable, peaceful, joyful
- I want to make the most of every day, focusing on people, living passionately and not wasting my energy on “stuff”
In the book Tuesdays With Morrie, Morrie said, “Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.” I don’t think any of us really knows how to die, but once we have embraced the idea that death is part of life, it definitely brings a different perspective on life: less mindless living and more gratitude. And hopefully a less cluttered and more focused mind and spirit will lead to a less cluttered heart and home.
Anyone need a Band-Aid? I have a few extra boxes to give away . . .
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Outstanding post – I don’t have clutter issues but so relate to the “if I die tomorrow” thoughts, and they guide my life in so many ways.
Thanks, Michael! Made me laugh to think about you reading this post — the ultimate organizer. If I had just a little bit of your discipline, I wouldn’t have any problems with clutter! Appreciate the encouragement.
I think you should considering writing a book with your short but inspiring thoughts! Thanks for always reminding me to take a step back!! P.S. I loved organizing your clutter 😉
Kate, you are so sweet! I’m glad you were willing to hang in there with our crazy family. I still remember the first time you stayed with the kids and called to ask if you could clean out the refrigerator – ha! You are the best! Miss you.
Oh, Tamson! Lauren, Meredith and I are sitting around visiting on this Friday evening and Meredith had just said to me, “Oh, my gosh, Mom, you are so obsessed with death”! I don’t even remember what I had said that made her exclaim that, but in general I’m just comfortable with death and mention it randomly. I LOVE this perspective you’ve expressed and I try to have this attitude about clutter too! I’m a work in progress with that issue! Anyway, I read your blog post out loud to them and you had us howling with laughter in parts…especially that this train of thought doesn’t work with food! Sure miss you! Thanks for the inspiration and the laughter!
Much love, Claire 🙂
That was great. You know my feelings about death and I think I have that issue under control. However, “Clutter” is a huge problem for me and I am horrible about allowing things to pile up for no reason. I acknowledge that I have problems, but rationalize that I am too old to do much about it at this stage in life. I have decided that I will just allow my kids to go through it all the clutter and wonder what in the world did he keep all this stuff around? Hey, I hurt myself a lot, so I cannot have too many band aids. I also like to keep a lot of toilet paper on hand just in case there is a shortage one day. Too much toilet paper might cause clutter, but I bet you will not throw it away.
I LOVE this post. It inspires me to tackle my clutter issues with renewed vigor and I laughed out loud when I read your “chocolate, glass of wine, Kriy Kreme donuts” comment!
Tamson, as usual you inspire and make us laugh. Clutter is one of my biggest issues. Magazines, books, and mail are my big items. I so agree that I have “stuff” that is not going to matter to anyone. As you age you realize how important each day is and why waste it on “stuff”. Thank you again for encouraging me to get rid of that “stuff”.