There are frustrating moments in homeschooling when I think, “Why am I doing this?” Usually it’s one of those days when Carlie can’t focus, is making annoying, repetitive noises, mumbling through her reading, huffing and puffing over every assignment. Thankfully, those days are rare.
There are also joyous moments that carry us through. Carlie’s joyous moments might be different from mine – she is proud of herself when she gets through a tough assignment, she beams when we do special things together like cook or go hiking, etc.
For me, the joyous moments are the times when she really “gets it.”
It’s kind of amazing to watch the light bulb come on for my child. And it’s hard to describe. It’s not always a jump-up-and-down moment; it’s not always that obvious; but there are these subtle moments when things just “click” and it makes this sappy old mama want to cry.
It’s inspiring to watch someone go from trudging through a task to mastering it.
And I love to watch her slowly shift from “going through the paces” to really understanding WHY the paces matter.
This can happen in any subject, but the “ah-ha” moments are the most obvious in math. We are doing Singapore math that takes a concept from tangible/visual to written practice to real world application. The curriculum mixes things up and messes with order so that the student can’t just “plug in” the information — Carlie has to understand the concept and be able to rationally think through applications. It’s hard, but it makes sense and I like it.
While watching one of these “light bulb” moments recently, I was reminded why God doesn’t just give us formulas. He doesn’t want us to “only” go through the motions; He wants us to “get it” from the inside out.
Life is frustrating sometimes because we are in that “trudging” phase when nothing is easy. And who knows if we will ever reach the “mastery” phase, but still, if we keep struggling through with God, our understanding will grow.
And just like Carlie’s math curriculum, I think God mixes things up and messes with order, just to make sure we truly understand. He doesn’t want us to just master the process and be really great at the “to-do’s” – He wants our actions to come from the heart and a place of deep understanding.
“And so the Lord says, “These people say they are mine. They honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. And their worship of me is nothing but man-made rules learned by rote. “ Isaiah 29:13 (NLT)
Many of us get stuck in the “practice” and never move on to understanding. The Bible speaks to this in a number of places, but Hebrews lays it out the way I like it . . . plain and simple.
“You have been believers so long now that you ought to be teaching others. Instead, you need someone to teach you again the basic things about God’s word. You are like babies who need milk and cannot eat solid food. For someone who lives on milk is still an infant and doesn’t know how to do what is right. Solid food is for those who are mature, who through training have the skill to recognize the difference between right and wrong. So let us stop going over the basic teachings about Christ again and again. Let us go on instead and become mature in our understanding.” Hebrews 5:12-14-6:1 (NLT)
Just like a loving parent or teacher, I believe God gets frustrated when we get stuck, when we decide we know “enough” and we stop learning, when we refuse to keep doing the hard work that leads to understanding.
And like a loving parent or teacher, I also think God rejoices (and maybe chokes back tears like a sappy old mama) when His child “gets it.”
I want to bring God this kind of joy.
And as much as I wish God would just “dump” understanding on me, it’s not going to happen. The struggle is part of the process. “ . . . continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” Philippians 2:12 (NIV)
Without the struggle, my understanding will only be in my head and not my heart.
Without the struggle, I might master the process and miss the whole point of what God is trying to teach me.
So I’m going to keep trudging (and like Carlie, I might huff and puff a little, and I might squirm in my seat and make annoying, repetitive noises that drive the Lord crazy). I hope, in time, the things that God wants to teach me will be become second nature.
Sometimes we want to hurry God – we want Him to turn on our understanding like a light switch, but with God, it’s usually more like the sun slowly rising. Gradually, the dark spaces grow smaller and the light grows brighter.
And the next thing you know, you’re walking in the light.
“I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.” John 8:12
And it’s worth the struggle.
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As always, a great blog and some wonderful truths. Thanks.
I will have to admit is that my problem is more of not responding
to the light that I have been given. I can relate to Paul when he says
the things he wants to do he does not do and the things he does not
want to do he does. I am glad that God loves me in spite of my laziness
and unwillingness to be the light that I should and could be. I know I will be in heaven
one day, but I will probably get a butt kicking as soon as I get there. I will always
remember an evnet when a mother was whipping her child at Six Flags over Texas, saying to the
child. “Have fun damn it.” She had taken her kid to an amusement part, payed
big bucks to get him inside and she was determinied he was going to have
fun even if she had to beat him to make him experience it. (HA) I think God might see me
that way sometimes and I can hear him saying. “I have given you everything, my
love, my life, my spirit, my guidance and so you need to get busy experiencing the
joy and abundant life that I have provided for you, and share it with others abd make
make me proud. Have fun damit.”
Haha! I might have to use that one sometime. You’re right — if we only did what we already know, life would be quite the party! Reminds me of this quote from CS Lewis: “If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered to us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”