It’s hard to be married to a talker.
I wouldn’t really know, because I AM the talker, but my kids talk nonstop, and have enlightened me on how draining it is to have so much “noise.” All. The. Time.
Honestly, I find myself tiring sometimes. I’ve been trying to learn how to meditate, but my mind can only be quiet for about 5 breaths before my monkey mind starts chattering again. Trying to think of nothing is exhausting! (I explored this in more detail in an earlier blog, Empty Waffle Boxes and Other “Endearing” Differences, when I found out that Keith has the ability to think of nothing. I’m still incredibly jealous.)
There are times when being married to a talker comes in handy. I think Keith likes it that he can take me to a work event or a party, and be comfortable knowing that, even if he has to walk away to have a business discussion, I am perfectly fine. Room full of strangers – no problem. I share our daughter Lela’s perspective – they are not strangers; they are just friends I don’t know yet.
A girl after my heart . . . Lela chatting with a stranger at Luke’s ballgame. She wanted to pet the dog, but ended up talking with this woman for 15 minutes.
There are other times when being married to a talker is wildly inefficient. For example, here is a common exchange between Keith and me:
Keith: “Do you want to get a sitter and go out to dinner this weekend?”
Me: “Blah, blah, blah (lengthy analysis of our schedule, how difficult it might be to get a sitter), blah, blah, blah (lengthy analysis on where we might go and if it would be worth it to pay a sitter to go eat a meal that will just blow up my weight watcher points), blah, blah, blah (we don’t spend enough time together and we should make date night a regular thing), yes.”
Keith: “So . . . you said all those words, when you could have just said yes.”
Here’s an example of a “talker problem” – half my photos look like this. I couldn’t even get a decent picture with one of my favorite authors, Rachel Held Evans, because I couldn’t stop talking!
On the plus side, I think my talking has helped Keith’s prayer life. I feel certain that as we drive to work events, he is praying that God will guard my mouth and not let me say anything too embarrassing, controversial, damaging or gross. Cause, let’s face it, talkers get themselves into trouble. There’s a reason why Proverbs (10:19) says, “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” (There are some verses that I’d like to take out of the Bible . . . you know all the verses about talking too much, eating too much and loving your enemies, to name a few.)
And now we have a new “talking” issue. This one makes me laugh because it’s yet another example of God’s warped sense of humor.
Keith and I have been married for 15 years and for as long as I’ve known him, he has wanted a hot tub. I have been standing in the way of his dream for 15 years. In my mind, there was always something better that we could/should do with the money.
Keith likes to remind me that his favorite “dream crushing” strategy that I threw at him was when I asked him, “Have you prayed about it?” He didn’t bring up the hot tub again for at least six months after that one (and yes, he prayed about it!).
Anyhow, this year, he wore me down and finally got his beloved hot tub.
He had visions of quiet relaxation.
Instead, he got the kids splashing around and being loud (I think he expected this outcome).
And he also got his chatty wife. He’s stuck – he cannot watch the ballgame or get on the computer or hit golf balls in the back yard. There’s nowhere to go. He’s all mine.
Now he doesn’t call it the hot tub anymore. He calls it “talk prison.”
Don’t worry – for the quiet folks out there feeling sorry for him – I don’t always go in the hot tub, or I give him five or ten minutes of quiet before I join him.
And don’t worry – for the talkers out there who think Keith is being mean – he loves me and he knows when I stop talking, something is really wrong. So as long as I’m chattering away (or singing, when I’m not talking), he is certain he has a happy wife. And you know how the saying goes . . . happy wife, happy life!
Talk prison for him. Captive audience for me.
God is good (and maybe a little twisted).
Follow
share via email
Obviously I need to crank up our hot tub and put it to good use 🙂 You and Keith are an amazing couple. Love you both!
Yes, put that talk prison to good use! Love you guys too.