I love the church. It can be flawed and messy, but I am grateful that I have also experienced beauty that keeps me coming back and softens my heart.
As a kid, church was like a second home to me. My Dad was a pastor until I was four years old and then he and my Mom began an evangelism ministry. We traveled much of the country as a family, in a different church every week. Back in the revival hey-day in the “Bible Belt,” services ran all week, and then we would pack up and travel to our new destination on Saturday. So I was in a church service seven times a week (Sunday morning/evening, and then Mon-Fri) for up to nine months of the year.
In my early years, I was blissfully ignorant about the church’s flaws. As a kid, church was about fellowship – hanging out together, overeating at covered dish suppers, singing hymns, listening to my Dad’s (incredible) preaching, trying to keep our “Sunday best” clothes clean while playing tag on the church lawn, praying and learning and loving together.
As I got older, I began to see that the beautiful church that I had grown to love was also deeply flawed. A few things that began to open my eyes:
- At age 10, on a mission trip with my Dad in Colombia, South America, I learned that the missionary we were working with had been “cut off” by the Southern Baptist Mission board because his wife left the mission field and divorced him.
- Women (at least in the denominations we worked with) were not supposed to preach or even teach men. My Dad had laryngitis one week and he asked my Mom to fill in for him on Sunday morning. They had to call it “sharing” instead of preaching, and the pastor was incredibly nervous and upset that a woman would have the Sunday morning pulpit. My Mom gave a wonderful sermon and a man that people thought was unreachable gave his life to the Lord that morning. I was so grateful for God’s affirmation that He can use a woman to preach.
- I vividly remember a pastor “freaking out” when some (obviously) gay friends of my parents came to a revival service one night. Of course, my Dad let the pastor have it for wanting to exclude anyone genuinely seeking God (and after many years of friendship, we were never invited back to this church). At the time, I had no idea how progressive my parents were and, looking back, it makes me so proud of them.
- My Mom began a college/career ministry that started out with a tiny group of four people and within a few years, grew into a vibrant ministry with 30+ young adults. They were on fire for the Lord, doing great work in the community, having a blast together, digging into God’s word, meeting in homes each week and seeing lives transformed. How did the church respond? Some were upset – we were having too much fun (something that Christians were apparently not supposed to do), we were doing fundraisers (something considered secular and forbidden), and some of the leadership actually admitted that they were worried the college kids would become so numerous, they could sway any vote in the church – they were becoming too powerful.
- My Mom began a van ministry to bring kids from a trailer park to church, and some people complained that the kids smelled, that they were too rowdy, that they were black. I have never been so angry and disappointed in the church.
For each of these examples, I could give 10 more, of times when I have been shocked, disappointed and angry with the church. Legalism infuriates me. It’s hard to blame people for distancing themselves from the church if this is what they see, hear or experience.
I’m grateful that I have seen another side.
For each of the negative examples, I could also give countless positive stories of beautiful people who risked loving, who sacrificed, who stood up for what was right, who showed compassion, who compromised, who found joy and peace in the face of horrible circumstances, who forgave, who cared more about loving people than being “right.”
Thankfully, the good far outweighs the bad. (The bad just gets a lot of attention.)
For all its flaws, the church is still beautiful. In every place (not just churches) you will find self-righteous, hypocritical people. But you will also find wonderful, loving people. You will find people transformed by the love and grace of God who remind you of who God is and why we need each other.
For all its flaws, it’s still home to me, still a family (although dysfunctional at times).
In some ways, the church is my greatest test as a Christian. The “neighbor” that I find hardest to love is the one who claims to love God but only seems to care about being “right.” I can relate to what Rachel Held Evans wrote in Evolving In Monkey Town, “I’m judgmental of people I think are judgmental.”
Christians are not always Christ-like. Christians are not always easy to love (myself included).
When we moved to New England, I was so exasperated with the Baptist church that I wouldn’t even visit one (in CA, NY and MO, Keith and I had been part of other denominations). I knew there was a range of conservative to moderate Baptist churches, but I just wanted out, and told God I would never be Baptist again. In God’s warped sense of humor, the church we ended up falling in love with turned out to be Baptist (unadvertised, thankfully). I think God laughs when we tell Him what we won’t do.
I LOVE my church. They truly are my Christian family – Massachusetts would not be “home” without them. We have seen God do amazing and beautiful things through the church. They inspire me and make me feel so loved. Is the church still flawed? Of course. It always will be. (Heck, I probably represent a majority of those flaws) But God calls us to community, He calls us to bear each other’s burdens, He calls us to tell each other the truth in love, He calls us to be peacemakers.
When Jesus walked the earth, he surrounded himself with flawed people (tax collectors, fisherman, prostitutes, etc.) and entrusted them to continue His work. They disagreed, they argued, they were confused and misguided at times, they let their pride get in the way, they quickly forgot lessons and miracles . . .
They were just like us.
And yet, once they experienced the risen Jesus, they were never the same. They still argued and disagreed, but they stood on the common ground of God’s amazing love.
They were just like us.
Jesus entered into the mess of life and He loved recklessly . . . why would He expect anything less from us?
It is our flaws that require an extra measure of grace and mercy, from God and from each other. For many, the flaws of the church are an excuse to stay away. For me, it is part of the challenge of loving each other the way God has loved us.
Our flaws are not an accurate reflection of who God is, but God’s response to those flaws is a perfect reflection of who He is. God is love. He died because we are flawed people who desperately need Him. He loves us as imperfect people and challenges us to do the same.
1st John 4:7-12
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
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Love what you had to day. Yes we are all flawed but that makes us need Jesus!
Thanks Miss Gina! You are definitely one of reasons I love church so much!
Wow – so powerful and well written. And I shared so many of these same frustrations growing up a preacher’s kid. My parents were never as progressive as yours and I’m always thankful for the influence your parents occasionally had on mine. 🙂
Thanks for your encouraging note! My parents wouldn’t say they were progressive, but given the time and culture they were working within, I can look back and see that they sometimes risked their ministry and reputation to love people. I’ve met very conservative people who are open minded and loving, and I’ve met liberal people who are closed minded and rigid – it all depends on the heart. Mom and Dad were never political, never sought confrontation or conflict, but they also were not afraid of it, and I’m glad I had the privilege of seeing these conflicts at times. It taught me a lot about the sacrifices they made and how they picked their battles and put differences aside for the greater good. It was a gift, and I didn’t realize it at the time. As you well know, when you’re a preacher’s kid, you get to see what goes on behind the scenes and see the true character of people.
Tamson I cannot tell you how much I love reading your blog. Your a talent that’s for sure. I agree with everything. Its amazing how much we claim to love God yet we cannot love those around us regardless of the choices they make. We like to judge and find fault according to our own narrow minded views and and then sit in Church on Sunday smile and say we love God. Church is a wonderful home and I to have a lot of great memories. I love you and thank you for posting your blogs.
Thanks so much, Kim. You said it so well – maybe you should be the next one to start a blog. Lordy, it would be a wild ride to see what you would write about! Love you so much.
Wow, great job! Love this!!
Being a Christian does not make me Christ-like…..being a Christian means I’m not perfect (as we all are), and that I know I need Him. I need salvation and I need forgiveness.
Thank you Cris! You are so right. No one is perfect and we all need Him. You have a beautiful spirit – one of the people that makes church a good place to be.
This is awesome, and right on target! Thanks so much for sharing your talent with us. I am also enjoying reading your blog.
Thanks Linda for your ever-encouraging words!
Love your words today, Tamson. It’s amazing how we can turn something so incredible into a club, shaped by our own selfishness, and even our own limits we place on God. I’m so thankful for the experience to have seen (literally a front-row view) God’s grace-work in so many lives. That includes many people actively loving the “unlovely” in creative, Christ-like ways.
Thanks Christina. You and Neal are such great examples of what it means to know and love God. And I love it that neither of you try to hide you flaws – that’s why we can all relate to you and respect you. I hope I can be more like you when I grow up 🙂 Love you!
Tamson,
Right on girlfriend! I am so proud of you. Thanks for being so truthful. You have described the church of today! I love your blog.
I’m proud of you too! You are my inspiration – you and Danny give us hope of what the church (and spouses in ministry) can become. Love you!
You make me proud by using the gifts God has given you to share the truth. I am the greatest example of God using the flawed person to accomplish things for his glory. Had I experienced your insight at your age, I would have been much more useable and could probably have been used so much more. Better late than ever and keep up the great work.
Thanks Tamson for your words. Your dad sent me an email link to this and I enjoyed it very much. Would you grant permission for me to include it in my own blog exactly as it is?
Sure, it would be an honor. Thanks, Mike.
I loved the stories about your childhood and especially seeing the heart of your Mom and Dad. Now I know where you get your awesomeness from!! You spoke the Truth in absolute love and challenge us all to make the church the haven our Father intends it to be. Love this!
Thank you, enjoyed reading—-love you parents!
Great job. I needed to hear this. Wish I had sooner….