Sugar and Mercy

Sugar and mercy . . . I struggle with both.

To you, maybe these two things have no relationship.  But for me they are strangely connected.

I am a “sugar-addict” and have been as long as I can remember.  When I was a little girl, if my Mom was distracted with company, I would “sneak” the sugar bowl, hide behind the bed in my room and eat it by the spoonful.  Sadly, as an adult, I still find myself sneaking sugary things and I am ashamed to tell you how often my thoughts turn to sweets.

I thought I conquered sugar a few years ago when I was training for a mini triathlon and felt really convicted by God to give up sugar for 10 weeks.  I held it in check until the New England winter hit hard, and the craving for carbs and sugar kicked in with a vengeance.  Now, I’m starting over again, training for a sprint triathlon this time, and ready for God to once again teach me how to turn to Him, instead of food.  This time, I know how easy it is to fall back into old habits, so I won’t be getting all cocky, thinking I’ve conquered anything.  I’m approaching this whole endeavor with humility, knowing that without God’s help, I will never be free.

The good thing about my issues with sugar is that it has helped strengthen another weak area for me, and that is mercy.  If you are a church-goer, you are likely familiar with the “spiritual gifts test” where you answer all sorts of questions and then you get a score/chart showing you where God has gifted you for ministry.  There are a whole range of things from teaching and evangelism to hospitality and giving.  It is an interesting exercise.

I’ve taken a spiritual gifts test a number of times through the years and the scores vary slightly in different seasons in my life, but the “gift” that always comes in with the lowest score is mercy.  It’s a little embarrassing to admit that I’m not “wired” to be a very merciful person.  At first, it was freeing because I suddenly realized why certain ministries were just too frustrating for me, and I thought, “Yippee, I will just avoid ministries that require big doses of mercy.”  But then I read things in the Bible like, “There will be no mercy for those who have not shown mercy to others.” (James 2:13)  Ugh.  I might not be gifted in mercy, but God still expects me to show mercy to others and I’m not getting out of it just because I scored low on some test.

Mercy and grace are often confused.  As I understand it, mercy has more to do with judgment and letting someone off the hook for something they actually deserve.  Grace is giving something to someone they do not deserve.  I think mercy is my struggle because I don’t have a lot of patience with people.  If someone is really trying, working hard and making sincere efforts, then I have an abundance of mercy.  But if someone is not trying, is making the same mistakes over and over again without reflection, is “stuck” in some sort of negative time warp, argues for the sake of “winning” instead of understanding, is generally behaving like a moron . . . I have a lot of trouble with mercy.

But we all need mercy.  So when I’m feeling judgy and not very merciful, I hear this little voice in my head that says, “Hey, Little Miss Smug, how can you judge that person struggling with repetitive sin when you can’t even stop eating ice cream and candy bars?”

God is so rude sometimes. 

In the strangest way, my struggle with something simple, like sugar, has made me a more merciful person toward people struggling with much heavier problems.  Seriously, how can I sit in judgment of an alcoholic, an obese person, a young girl that goes back to an abusive relationship, when I can’t even say no to a box of Girl Scout cookies?  How can I judge someone in the grip of a secret sin when I have eaten a whoopee pie while going through the car wash so no one would see me?

When my kids are in a bad mood, I tell them to go somewhere quiet until they find their “happy self.”  Sometimes I feel like God does that to me.  He puts me in a corner and tells me not to come out until I’ve found my “merciful self.”

Thankfully, God has blessed me with friends who score high in mercy when it comes to spiritual gifts, and they help keep me in check.  Sometimes I help them when they need to be more callous and insensitive, but mostly they help me see things with greater empathy and with a more open heart and mind.

Micah 6:8 “. . . the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what he requires of you:  to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”

I have been a Christian for 36 years, and I am still learning how to walk humbly with God, how to love mercy, how to do what is right.  Now more than ever, I understand and claim the prayer of the tax collector in Luke 18:13 “O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.”  When I am aware of my own sin, I am less focused on the sins of others, and more focused on the love and mercy of God.  I find it much easier to offer mercy to others when I am aware of the depth of mercy God has granted me.

My irritating weakness for sugar is an ongoing battle, but God uses it as a strange and sweet reminder of the mercy I have been given and that I am expected to give.

Follow

share via email

Share