So, when you or the people around you are following what we Christians like to call “God’s will,” everything is supposed to be great, right? Life is full of peace and joy and every day feels victorious, right? Umm, WRONG! The peace part, now that part has been true for me. In fact, sometimes that’s how I know something is “of God” – I have peace when it makes no logical sense to be peaceful. But the rest of it is not always true. Sometimes God’s will is hard; sometimes it requires change; sometimes you have to let go of your own dreams to allow Him to give you a new and better dream; sometimes it hurts to let go or forgive or take a step of faith into unknown territory.
I trust God. I know He is good. I believe He loves me and knows what is best for me. But in spite of all this, sometimes I don’t like His will. The good thing about experiencing the love and faithfulness of God is that I can keep moving forward and keep trusting Him in spite of my feelings. I can dislike where He’s taking me while also knowing it’s exactly where I need to be. I can grieve what I am giving up while also anticipating the amazing new things God has in store. That’s one cool thing about God . . . He can handle all our mixed emotions and tension of opposites. We don’t have to pretend for Him.
(Side note: Just want to clarify that I’m only talking about those times in our lives when we hear clearly from God and He is guiding us in a specific direction. I don’t think everything that happens is God’s will. I believe we have free will; I believe things happen for no good reason in our flawed world, and I have to be careful not to attribute everything to God. He gets blamed for a lot of crappy stuff.)
If you think about it, most of our Biblical heroes didn’t jump up and down with glee when God revealed His will. Most of them were apprehensive and, like us, sometimes made excuses (I think Moses gets the “most-excuses-before-following-God’s-will” award). Jonah even ran in the other direction! But they were honest with God, and ultimately, they trusted Him. Even Jesus questioned if the cross was the only way, but in spite of the pain and dread, He trusted God the Father.
When we moved from Missouri to Massachusetts for Keith to take a new job, we had prayed about it and had that “odd” peace that it was where God was leading us. It’s not what I would have chosen (I remember asking God, “Why can’t Your will take us a little closer to North Carolina to be near my family?”). We had a wonderful church family in Missouri and our daughter, Casey, was only a Sophomore in high school. I didn’t know anything about Massachusetts, but I’m a Southern girl and wasn’t sure what to expect in New England. I didn’t like God’s will, but I trusted Him. Because I trusted Him, I could move forward with confidence and with a good attitude. And you know, in spite of the fact that I didn’t “like” God’s will at the time, I grew to love His will because I love Massachusetts and we have had a wonderful experience here.
It would be easier to like God’s will if He would let us see months or years down the road, so we could see if all the change, the pain, the discomfort, was going to “pay off.” How in the world is God going to work all this for good? But He doesn’t give us that much info – He gives us enough to be able to trust Him, but not enough to be able to move forward on our own (or bolt in the other direction!). His will always requires faith.
All this is whirling around in my head because I have friends moving away. God has made it obvious that He is leading them, but I still don’t like it. I know they will be blessed and be a blessing where they are going. They have definitely blessed us so much through the years, it would be selfish of me to keep hoarding all their fantastic’ness (pretty sure that’s not a word, but it should be). But I’m feeling pretty selfish.
These are the friends my kids refer to as Auntie and Uncle; the friends who have a daughter who is like a sister to Carlie; the friends you can call in the middle of the night; the friends that will pray with you about anything, anytime; the friends who will let you come over in your jammies and hang out for no reason; the friends who will be honest with you and challenge you; the friends who really love your kids and even let them spend the night; the friends who brought us Wild Willy cheeseburgers and chocolate shakes just hours after the twins were born (now that is love!). My friend Amanda will go with me to Target on a whim; she shares my appreciation for sugary goodness; she really SEES people and has deep empathy that challenges me; she indulges my notion that spending a day at a town wide yard sale is good quality girlfriend time. These are what I call FLF – friends like family. And if you’ve ever lived away from family, you know how important friends can be. There are probably a zillion reasons that God brought them to Massachusetts, but I can tell you for sure, the Jensen’s are one big reason. We needed them, and they have been a channel of God’s love and presence in our lives. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have survived the infant and toddler twin stages without them!
So, yes, I’m grieving a little. I’m coming before God with arms crossed in protest. But I’m being selfish because I’m only focused on what I have to lose. This is the right move for their family, and I’m going to put on my big girl pants and be supportive. I’ve been talking with Carlie about how life is constantly changing, and we have to find a way to adapt to those changes. We have to put our fears and sadness in God’s hands so He can help us grieve and let go of what we can’t change, and then appreciate the good things and keep moving forward, even when we don’t like what is happening. Hard thing about having kids is that you have to practice what you preach, so I guess now I have to do what I’m asking her to do.
Yesterday Lela threw a “hissy fit” because Carlie went swimming with a friend and she couldn’t go. As she was protesting about how it wasn’t fair, I explained to her why she couldn’t go and I asked her what else she would like to do. With tears and great drama, she said “I don’t have a second choice. I only want my first choice!” I began to laugh and told her I could relate more than she could imagine. This is probably exactly how I sound to the Lord. He embraces me and tries to help me understand, tries to help me find a bright side to what seems like an unfair situation, and I just want what I want.
Sooo, even though it’s not my first choice, I’m going to be grateful for the years we have had with our dear friends, and look forward to a new journey for all of us.
Sometimes the journey God takes us on is hard, but “The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of man, and His compulsion is our liberation.” (CS Lewis, Surprised by Joy)
We might not always understand. We might not like where He is asking us to go or what He is asking us to do (at least not in the beginning). But we can trust Him. We can thank Him. We can find joy in the journey with the One who loves us. And after we have had the occasional holy hissy fit, we can uncross our arms, stop our stomping and pouting, take His hand and carry on with the grand adventure of life.
“Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
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Tamson,
As always, I have once again learned valuable insights from your blog but this time you made me tear up! We have been so blessed to know you and Keith and your wonderful children. It is a high honor to be called Uncle Bruce! You are so right that moving in God’s will means you have a sense of peace (and it is exciting to see Him work things out), but it does not mean it is easy and we will really miss our close friends in New England! Until recently, we have tried not to think about it and kept ourselves busy with the move, but the time is coming…..The greater the friendship, the tougher the separation but also the richer the memories. While there will be no quick trips to Target or backyard peaceful moments, I believe there will be plenty of Skype times!
Keep writing. You have a real talent and that is the opinion of a retired publisher!
Thanks, Bruce. It will be hard to say goodbye, but I’m also happy for you guys. You might as well know that you will never be rid of us. The kids are already pestering us for a trip to Texas to visit Auntie Amanda and Uncle Bruce.
I agree with Bruce, you are a talented writer! I also agree that I sometimes do not like God’ s will at first, but when I finally submit I find true joy and peace. God truly has our best interest at heart and when we allow Him, He takes the difficult and turns it into a more joyous experience than we can ever imagine for all involved. I do not always understand God’s ways, but from experience I know he takes what seems like a sacrifice and turns it into a blessing! I am going to miss Bruce, Amanda, Blake and Ava, but I know He has great things in store for them. I also know he will turn your loss into a victory, although I cannot see how right now. God is so good and I praise Him for bringing the Gualtneys into my life. I have been so blessed by their witness and friendship. I love you, my precious daughter and family!
Mom, you are always so encouraging (a little biased, I’m afraid). But I’m grateful for the example that you and Dad set for us about following God, even if He leads you in crazy, unexpected ways. Love you!
You have such am amazing talent girlfriend! I look forward to reading your blogs and seeing how God uses you to
touch so many, as I have been one of “those many”.
Thanks Faith! I appreciate your encouragement.
I am so sorry for your loss and the sadness – I know how much Bruce, Amanda and their family mean to you and have blessed you. Your memories will be such treasured gifts. I love your honesty about not liking God’s will, crossing your arms and like Lela….not having a second choice when you can’t have your first. Your blog brought back the memories I have from years of infertility. I know His plans are greater than ours and “all things work together for the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). As much as I didn’t like His plan then, I was tremendously blessed through the hope this passage gave me and the promises He kept when His plan was revealed to me. I will pray for you and your dear friends, please pass on blessings to them as they go through this big change in their life. I miss you and love you and wish I lived closer to help ease your sadness. Kim
I’m not feeling profound this morning–so I’m just sending you love and hugs. You’ll all be ok. Be at peace. And keep writing. I love reading your thoughts! Xo Denise
Hi Tamson, I always like your blog and I am so proud of you for using your gifts to express your love for the Lord, and your dedication to your friends and family. Your faith is strong and God uses your faith to help encourage others.
I wish I could take some credit for your gifts, but to be honest I am nowhere close to your insight in dealing with things like God’s will. God knows that every choice I have ever made has been exactly what I wanted to do. When I was struggling with knowing God’s will for my life I considered being a preacher, a foreign missionary, a gospel musician as well as an evangelist. I chose not to be a pastor because I was not caring enough and did not like all the busy work that would be expected, I did not become a missionary because I did not want to learn another language, I did not become a musician because I had already experienced that lifestyle and it was too demanding. So, I chose to be an evangelist because I could preach and not have to put up with the same people week after week, I could go to other countries and do mission work without having to learn a language, I could sing and do music, but just as an addition to evangelism and not full-time. If I am honest, I have sto admit that I have spent most of my life doing whatever “I” wanted to do and just let God deal with my decisions. I believe that God wants us to be the best that we can be and He allows us to make whatever choices we desire. God is not frustrated with my selfish choices, but celebrates life with me as I live out the freedom that He provides. I know you tend to believe that God is directing everything, but there is a possibility that He is just working with us as we make our decisions, right or wrong, and celebrates life with us as we live out the consequences of our choices. Do we make wrong choices? Of course. However God continues to work with us even in the wrong choices and eventually helps us discover even better things through our detours. I pray that Bruce and Amanda will be happy and that you and all your family will adjust to the absence of such special friends. However, just remember that we all have to reap the consequences of our choices and that God is not making the choices for them. I believe He is guiding them as they seek His direction, but even when we seek the direction of God we still have go simply go on faith, because there is always that possibility that we will not make the best choice, but will eventually grow from it. The good news for me is knowing that God will be with me through the good and bad, right and wrong, and that nothing can separate me from Him because He will always be there. Thanks for a wonderful blog.
Thanks for the insights, Dad. I agree with you, but I guess the “guidance” you speak of is what I call God’s will. When I’m really seeking Him, there are too many “divine coincidences” and too many times when I felt peace about options that I would never have made in my own selfish mode. I do think He works with us and knows what is best for us, but we can still do whatever we want, and in His grace and mercy, He will continue to work with us whatever path we take. You sell yourself short because your ministry has been anything but selfish. We all have different gifts and personality types and as you used to say about God’s will . . .it is usually what your hand turns to naturally.
Yep, I think we are on the same page in our concept of God’s Will. I do believe that we are to do what our hands turn to naturally and that is usually Gods’ will for your life. Just do what you do, for the glory of God and do it the best you can. I guess the difference is that I believe that I have total input in my decision making process and God is not near as interested in directing my life to his will as aiding my life in discovering whatever I choose to be. I always tried to aid you, by providing you opportunities to discover what you wanted to be. Did you want to be a model, a singer, a writer, a mother, a preacher?
I never attempted to direct your life, but only provide you opportunities to discover your own life. I just believe that God sort of works the same way with us. To me God’s Will is not an attempt to get us to do what He thinks we should do. God’s will is helping us discover ourselves to be best we can be. He is not nearly as concerned about our choices as we might think. He wants us to love Him, love others, and then do what we want to. Maybe you do not see the difference if giving direction and providing opportunities. A director tells others what to do and expects them to follow his direction. An encourager attempts to help the person discover his personal gifts and discover his own direction as it flows from whatever talent he might have.. Gods Will for my life is not something that He established form the beginning of time that must be completed in order for me to be complete. God’s Will for me is to encourage and guide me in becoming the best person that I can be. Sadly, many still view God as some dictator in the sky evaluating us and taking names and if we do not get it right we are going to miserable the rest of our lives. It is exciting that God cares enough about us to be involved in our lives and even more precious that He will let us become who we want to be.